New Blog

I decided I don't much care for Blogger so I started a Wordpress blog:

http://hailtherobots.wordpress.com/

Only one post as of right now but hopefully I will write in it with far more frequency than may last blog. That would be this one. The one I just updated for the first time in 7 months.

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes ?

Going Home is the Never the Same as Being Home

I miss New York. I miss the smells; the pleasant and the not-so. I miss its sounds; the constant buzz of a crowd; the quiet rumble of the subway gaining volume as it draws nearer; the $350 honk of a Taxi cab. I miss the people in all their wonderful rudeness and indifference to whatever may happen around them. I miss the tourists gazing about in slack-jawed wonder and stealing glances at the charming weirdness surrounding them and trying desperately to fit in. I miss the feeling of belonging and like no matter how unique you are you are never too unique to find a scene. I miss the history and its weight upon you at every corner and in every building. I miss the hope and the future not-yet-fulfilled. I miss the inspiration and the knowledge that no matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter who you become there is one thing you will always be; a New Yorker. And that is enough.

Why is Kate Hudson Allergic to Good Movies?

I'm a big fan of Kate Hudson. And by big fan I mean I enjoy looking at her. I'm trying to be a gentleman here because let's face it, her acting hasn't been anything worth praising since Almost Famous. Let's quickly run down some of her most recent gems, shall we? In no particular order (except the one they popped into my head in) here is a list of her most notable oeuvre of the last 5 years. 

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days - This movie is offensive to women, men and plants. Basically it takes the two most horrible 

people in the world, the most morally bankrupt, heartless and cruel people you can think of, puts them in wacky situations and calls it a "rom com." Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey have great chemistry, there's no denying that. But even with their cute banter and spastic movements I can't get over the fact that they both agree to make someone FALL IN LOVE with them only to DUMP them and BREAK THEIR HEART in less than 10 days. Yup, that's what great romance is truly made of. 

Fool's Gold - I didn't see this. While the trailers promised a lot of Kate Hudson in a bikini (and shirtless Matthew McConaughey for the ladies) I've already seen Kate topless in Almost Famous and it's not impressive. Besides, I still hate these two together for no other reason than that they starred in the aforementioned POS. These two should just do it and spare us from another crappy tale of terrible people falling in love. 

Raising Helen - Also didn't see this but Kate once again plays a not-very-nice person only this time she's got kids in her care. 

Cause if you can't get Matthew McConaughey get a bunch of cute kids and that guy from Sex and the City who's not Big. It's amazing how there are now two of her movies on this list that I judged completely based on the trailers (which are supposed to have the best scenes to get audiences in the theater) and I doubt I've misjudged them. Feel free to leave comments proving me wrong. 

My Best Friend's Girl - Forget for a moment that Dane Cook is in it. Also forget that Jason Biggs is in it and still playing Jim from American Pie. Lizzy Caplan is in this but don't judge her for it. As far as Kate Hudson films go this one actually isn't too bad. For one thing she's not the most horrible character in the movie for once, that's Dane Cook's job. And even his character is not altogether bad, more operating in a gray area, going out with women who've recently dumped their nice boyfriends and making them realize just how hard it is to find guys that nice. He also gives guys who've made mistakes a second chance to make up for them, though how he knows they're reformed is not really explained. The jokes are chuckle worthy and Dane Cook knows how to play a douchebag. If you have to watch a "date movie" this one won't make your eyeballs bleed. 

You, Me and Dupree - You know why this is a good Kate Hudson movie? She's barely in it. And she still wears skimpy outfits! This isn't a good movie by any means but it's funny enough and it's tough not to like Owen Wilson in anything. And Seth Rogen is in it. I'll watch anything with Seth Rogen in it at this point. Like Mr. Wilson he's tough not to like in any role. 

I guess that's the same reason women don't mind sitting through Kate Hudson's movies. As much as her movies represent a phenomenal step down into the dreck of Hollywood from her Academy Award-nominated turn as Penny in Almost Famous the girl is damn cute. So here's my advice guys; buy a decent pair of earplugs, sit back and enjoy 90 minutes of best mixture of cute and sexy on the silver screen today. Cause you know you're totally getting dragged to Bride Wars. 

Raped by Santa

The holidays have once again come and gone and left my wallet sodomized, bleeding and feeling like a used tissue. You'd think in a recession retailers struggling for foot traffic would have massive holiday sales to spur demand but then you'd be a rational-thinking person and not a corporate CEO.

I did all of my shopping at the last minute and at the mall so maybe I just wasn't looking in the right places but considering that I refuse to set foot in a Wal-Mart I really don't see how I could've done much better. I fear that my friends and family are smart enough to know when I've just grabbed one thing off every shelf in the Housewares department at Target. It's bad enough they think I did all of my shopping at the last minute.

I think it's only polite to inform someone that you're getting them a Christmas gift. Traditionally I only get my friends birthday gifts, mainly because I just don't like them that much and unlike family have no obligation to get them anything. Until this year the practice held fast until suddenly two of my friends decided to get me a Christmas gift. Now, I am grateful and I do like the gifts but seriously, what the hell? From now on email me a heads up so I can at least match your gift (although from now on those 2 friends get crappy re-gifts for daring to break a sacred tradition).

Girls who work at girly bath/smelly candle stores think a guy who walks in with a completely baffled look is cute as hell. I learned this years ago but this is the first Christmas in a long time I got to exploit it. It helps if you're not shopping with your mom.

People can't control their children in crowds and I think it's because they secretly hope the child will vanish and they'll get their lives back. Or at least get on Nancy Grace a couple of times.

There are no two people I want to hate more in the entire world than Justin Timberlake and Anderson Cooper. Want to but can't.

I don't know how to fix the time stamp on this blog. It always has the time wrong on my posts. I don't actually blog during the day or at 4 in the morning.

I'm a pretty lucky guy except in Atlantic City. Probably Vegas too.

Somebody Save Me From HEROES

Sometimes shows just go wrong. Everything starts out great, too good to be true almost. You're sucked into the plot and the characters are easy to relate to.

Or maybe just hot.

Whatever the case may be you're hooked. You've got a weekly appointment that you will keep at the expense of family, friends, health and sex. 

Well, maybe not sex. But all the other things definitely. 

It's happened to me several times before, with The X-Files, LOST, Friends, How I Met Your Mother and so many others. But this particular show had a more insidious method of getting me addicted. HEROES did not start off particularly well. None of the characters were immediately interesting and the plot was predictable and familiar to anyone who'd 

ever glanced at comic book. Especially a Marvel one. So why watch?

It began as a desire to support a fellow geek show and rooting for it to succeed after so many years of being looked down upon as a comic book nerd. It felt validating to have millions of people watching a show that was just a live-action comic book and loving it. But at the same time I recognized this show for what it was; the TV equivalent of a bad Philip K. Dick adaptation. The basic elements are there but they're not quite right. And far dumber. 

But you have to look after your own so I tuned in, week after week, and hardly paid it any attention. Used it as background noise while I did work or surfed the internet. And then something happened. All of a sudden I started watching and paying attention. And then I started to care what happened. Suddenly it was important that I watch every episode. So it was with great excitement that I tuned into season 2. 

What a disappointment. Season 2 started off even more slowly than the first season and introduced even more characters to an already bloated cast. And to make matters worse the new characters sucked. They sidelined the series' major villain (and breakout star) as well as other major characters. In short the second season did everything a sophomore show shouldn't do. But then it got better. And with the final 4 episodes I was once again hooked and ready for more. 

And now we're at season 3. And I don't know why I still watch. Maybe I hold out hope that this season, like the ones preceding it, will redeem itself towards the end. But is that enough? Maybe because it's the only fix the comic book nerd in me gets anymore and it's a habit I just can't kick. Maybe because there still isn't anything else to watch on Mondays at 9pm. Or maybe it's because they've still got Hayden Panettiere. 

I'm Back...?

Oh blog, how I've neglected you, almost as badly as I will neglect my future children, which I will no doubt have only to meet societal expectations and of course, get laid. But I digress, my non-existent future children and their inevitable father issues are for another day. Today we discuss you and the details of your abandonment. 

To my Dear Readers: I'm sorry to both of you. Quite honestly I've been busy and lacking inspiration. Also lazy. Always oh so lazy. But that changes today! While I cannot promise consistent movie or TV episode reviews I will do my best to draw your attention to things you don't have the good taste to seek out for yourself. For example, have you been watching Eli Stone?? I didn't think so. Tuesday nights at 10pm on ABC. Get on it. 

I will also try to keep up on LOST recaps and theories, mainly because at this point that is the only show I consistently watch live without DVR assistance. Well that and How I Met Your Mother so perhaps those recaps will start making appearances as well. But no promises. 

And that's really what I wanted to say my neglected confidant; I make no promises. I will do my best to check and contribute as I can but I can't guarantee that this won't be my last post ever anymore than I can guarantee that it is only the first of many reliable and constant updates. 

So go watch Eli Stone, it's about to get cancelled so it would be much appreciated. And Happy Holidays. I promise I'll get you a gift next year. Really this time. Maybe.