Raped by Santa

The holidays have once again come and gone and left my wallet sodomized, bleeding and feeling like a used tissue. You'd think in a recession retailers struggling for foot traffic would have massive holiday sales to spur demand but then you'd be a rational-thinking person and not a corporate CEO.

I did all of my shopping at the last minute and at the mall so maybe I just wasn't looking in the right places but considering that I refuse to set foot in a Wal-Mart I really don't see how I could've done much better. I fear that my friends and family are smart enough to know when I've just grabbed one thing off every shelf in the Housewares department at Target. It's bad enough they think I did all of my shopping at the last minute.

I think it's only polite to inform someone that you're getting them a Christmas gift. Traditionally I only get my friends birthday gifts, mainly because I just don't like them that much and unlike family have no obligation to get them anything. Until this year the practice held fast until suddenly two of my friends decided to get me a Christmas gift. Now, I am grateful and I do like the gifts but seriously, what the hell? From now on email me a heads up so I can at least match your gift (although from now on those 2 friends get crappy re-gifts for daring to break a sacred tradition).

Girls who work at girly bath/smelly candle stores think a guy who walks in with a completely baffled look is cute as hell. I learned this years ago but this is the first Christmas in a long time I got to exploit it. It helps if you're not shopping with your mom.

People can't control their children in crowds and I think it's because they secretly hope the child will vanish and they'll get their lives back. Or at least get on Nancy Grace a couple of times.

There are no two people I want to hate more in the entire world than Justin Timberlake and Anderson Cooper. Want to but can't.

I don't know how to fix the time stamp on this blog. It always has the time wrong on my posts. I don't actually blog during the day or at 4 in the morning.

I'm a pretty lucky guy except in Atlantic City. Probably Vegas too.