Christmas Present Ideas For Me!

There are certain aspects of public transportation that I do not enjoy. The occasional smell of cat litter on the Metro; the large, smelly people who will squeeze in next to me on the bus. These are all mild inconveniences that someone as awesome as myself simply should not have to deal with.

As a solution I have decided I need a chauffeur. Unfortunately these kinds of luxuries are pretty expensive and at the moment I’m concentrating my considerable intellect on other endeavors. Like this blog.

But this got me thinking: if I could afford every luxury in the world what would make the top of my list? And so another hour is wasted as I put careful thought into one of my favorite things; a list!

1. A Chauffeur – see above
2. Fleet of cars – all makes and models, one for every day of the year so I never have to drive the same car twice if I don’t want to
3. Monkey butlers – I touched upon this in another blog. I still really, really want them.
4. Anti-robot defense system – because if it can stop a robot it can stop anything.
5. Truth serum (extra-strength) – I always wonder what people really think of me. This way I can finally find out!
6. Hotels – I like staying in them but I don’t like paying for things I can’t own.
   
7. Thus I will buy them!
8. Crap for my friends – I will probably still need to bribe people to be my friends, but now I can buy eternal loyalty!
9. A personal soundtrack – I want someone to walk behind me at all times playing music appropriate to whatever’s happening in my life. Mainly because I like really good walking music and also because I’ve always wanted to make out to Prince’s “Batdance.”
10. Jesters – I don’t think I really need to explain this one
11. Personal Jet – I don’t ever want to use any method of public transportation. My own 737 ought to take care of that nicely.

I don’t think of myself as spoiled or greedy but if I could afford it I totally would be.